Monday, December 12, 2016

Last Post of 2016

Oh, 2016. I hated you. I still do. You were kind of awful. At the end of the year, where Christmas spirit should be abound and everyone should be feeling the warm fuzzies, no one feels any different. The holiday feels like nothing. I have like...four friends at the end of this year.

2016, you took a lot. And unfortunately, I don't know if the next year will be much better overall.

But let me say this. I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned what I won't tolerate. I lost friends because of that and you can ask anyone who doesn't like me, they'll say I've changed and become this awful person. I don't think I have. But I don't want to be anyone's doormat anymore. I'm tired of being tired. I'm standing up for myself more and still pushing out of my comfort zone because I can't do this.

The friends I have left are ones I believe will stick around. And if not, it won't be because anyone treated anyone poorly. It would just be a change in life. That's okay. I've accepted that. I don't chase anyone anymore.

As much as sometimes, I still feel alone and struggle, I feel better. I'd rather be with very limited friends who actually like me, and I know they do, then chase after someone who is nothing but heartache.

I don't have the energy for that anymore. I need to focus on my life and me, not bending over backwards for someone who is just using me.

So, that's what I'm doing.

2017, I'll still be doing that. Learning how to take care of myself and learn even more about the world and my own mindset.

So, at the end of this year, I have to say, thank you, 2016.

You're just like those awful friends I had...punch after punch, not bothering to slow or make sure I was okay, so I had to learn to make myself okay no matter what you did. I'm still standing, somehow. I will be tomorrow, and the day after.

Goodbye, 2016. Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya,

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