It's funny, every so often, I get the feeling that I'm changing for the worse. It's an odd realization, provides a bit of motivation, then it's...different?
I don't quite know how to explain.
The past few weeks have been long. For various reasons, I'm just weary. And, the strangest thing is, I pride myself on being able to push through, silence my thoughts long enough to do what I need to do and not let it affect my day to day activities.
Yesterday, though, I had plenty of people comment on how odd I was behaving. Angry or simply not all there. Yesterday, I wasn't sure how I was feeling. I chalked it up to apathy but others saw it differently.
I cried at work yesterday for the first time since February. I don't even have a very good excuse as to why I was just so...overwhelmed. Work wasn't too bad, it was busy, which was good for me any other day. I got all of my tasks done in a timely fashion and went home on time.
So, there's really no REASON for me to sit in the break room and cry, but I did it. And when I got home, I couldn't shake the low feeling that had grown in a matter of hours.
Last night, some drama went down that I witnessed and it kind of left me a little unsure of myself, not too sure where I stand or what to expect. And I don't blame anyone, life happens and things change, people change and they have impulsive moments.
Usually, I can deal. But not yesterday.
I couldn't sleep. And when I did sleep, it wasn't a good sleep. It felt different. Heavy.
I don't really have a neat little way to end my post today. I try to leave some inspirational little tidbit for me to look back on later on but not today. I don't feel bad, I don't feel angry or sad, just...apathetic.
I imagine things will be a little different in a few hours, hopefully for the better, but I don't know.
Thank goodness tomorrow brings a new week for me. A new chance to make myself better, not slip back into some unrecognizable being just muddling her way through the days.
I want to be known as that person who is pretty pleasant to be around. Not someone who comes across as angry or off.
I need to get back to my 'normally.' Leave Yesterday there and bring the good ol' me to Tomorrow.
There's your inspiration, future Me. BAM.